going nowhere again

yesterday the pain returned – the kind that sits viciously behind my eyes and stabs periodically at my brain.

it is over now. i am glad. the physical pain is gone and the emotional suffering has returned. i am sad. just sad. kinda confused, overwhelmed and still very scared.

ever chart a course and then wonder how you got to be the captain?

liar

feel like a liar

my friend david cantwell the capicorn

you're my very good friend david -
i cannot imagine walking through life without you.

the thought of you brings tears to me at this very moment as i soften into the goodness you are.

thank you for being such a good david and thank you for letting me be such a messy girl.

i am ready to step into the woman that i have wanted to be for a long time - but the whiny part of me keeps reminding me that it is hard.
i just told her to shut up and now i am going to step in faith. just today.

i am a blessed heart -
i am shaped by your kindness, love and wisdom in the most incredible way.

thank you.
truly.

damn me

damn him for wanting me to shine
damn him for not being a scapegoat of why my life is lackluster
damn him for having high expectations of me
damn him for being supportive in an unfamiliar way
damn him for loving me
damn him

damn it - i am embarrassed to be so small and to get so lost so often.
damn it - i wish i could be more silent about my blunders
damn it - i meant to keep on track
damn it